The Book of Shinji
by Tuxedo Jack
Summary: Now Shinji's had a bit of time to go through the book. ^_^ Ecchis and fantasies and nosebleeds, oh my!
1. In which Shinji buys a book, Ritsuko lau...

"Aeris' prayer has been answered!" - FFVII   
  
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The Book of Shinji   
An Evangelion Fic *LIME*   
By Tuxedo Jack, with creative input from Onsce   
  
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DISCLAIMER: All Evangelion elements belong to Anno Hideaki-san.   
I make no claim on them.   
  
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It was a fine day.   
  
It was just another one of those post-Second Impact days that   
didn't seem bad at all, a day that seemed perfect. Maple leaves   
fell, a bite of winter nipped the air, and if the light glinted   
_just_ right, you could see your breath swirling in the air.   
  
Ikari Shinji walked down the street, hands behind his head,   
jacket on, and his SDAT on and playing track 25. Something caught   
his eye as he passed a coffee shop... two men in black...   
  
Something seemed odd...   
  
But that didn't matter; all that did was that Kaoru Nagisa had   
collided with him and the impact knocked the wind out of Shinji.   
He stumbled back, landing on a small wooden table covered with books.   
Needless to say, it quickly broke under his weight, thus dumping   
him - and the books - onto the Tokyo-3 concrete below.   
  
Shinji stumbled to his feet quickly. "Gomen nasai, Kaoru-san, gomen   
nasai!"   
  
"Don't worry about it, Shinji-kun," Kaoru said to him. He flashed a   
quick grin. "Just help me pick up these books."   
  
"Books?" Shinji thought to himself. "Oh, yes... those books..." _That   
would explain the woman yelling at me,_ he thought quietly, and began   
stacking the books and lifting them onto a fresh table.   
  
Something fresh caught his eye, and he pulled a book out of the stack   
to see his face on the cover. "Oh, God, the Commander's going to kill   
me when he finds out about this..." He turned to the woman, passed her   
the money for the book, tucked in inside his jacket, - "eew, sticky,"   
he thought to himself as he wiped off the cover - and walked off.   
  
The two men at the cafe sat there, watching the whole thing, and sipped   
at frappuchinos. One wore an ankle-length black coat with gold runes on   
the lapels, and the other wore a tuxedo... though with a few odd flourishes   
that were quite out of the ordinary.   
  
Meanwhile, back at the bookstand, the bookseller's amber eyes glinted   
beneath her dark eyebrows as she cackled evilly.   
  
The men just sighed and ordered some lunch.   
  
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AUTHOR'S NOTES   
  
Well, this was my first EVA fic, and it's gonna get worse from   
here on in. This has no bearing on the MSMT3K series, so no,   
Shinji doesn't know about the EnS or the Senshi. Anyways, the   
men... who are they? Guess this and win...   
  
Absolutely nothing!   
  
Yep, that's right, absolutely nothing!   
  
Great prize, eh?   
  
Anyway, I'm off to work on Episode 202 of MSMT3K. This should be   
good... got 2 Blainefics to riff, sanity crystals, and a nice   
little diamond and emerald ring.   
  
Ja ne!   
  
Tuxedo Jack


	2. Ecchis and Fantasies and Nosebleeds, oh ...

"TTFN, ta-ta for now!" - Tigger  
  
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The Book of Shinji  
Chapter 2 - Secrets and fantasies and nosebleeds, oh my!  
By Tuxedo Jack  
  
**********  
  
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill, it ain't mine, I'm just   
borrowing it for a while.  
  
**********  
  
Shinji pulled open the door to the apartment. "Tadaima!"  
he said, carefully placing his shoes to the left of the   
doorwell.  
  
A deafening silence greeted his call. "Guess Asuka's not  
home yet," he muttered, half to himself, half to the  
empty room. He shrugged, shut the door, and went to his  
room.  
  
As he dropped his backpack on the futon, Shinji unhooked his  
SDAT. A heavy thunking sound alerted him - the book had fallen  
out of his bag and lay upon the floor.  
  
Shinji stared in astonishment - the book's cover, which had shown  
his face when he purchased it - now showed the faces of Asuka,  
Rei, and Misato!  
  
"The hell?" Shinji muttered, and picked up the book. He examined  
it closely... "Nope, no TV screens, no hologram stuff... This  
certainly isn't from 'Star Trek'." He shrugged and set it on his desk.  
"I think I'll read a bit now, and then some more before bed."  
  
He flipped it open to the first page, and began to read...  
  
***  
  
_"Oh, please, Shinji, don't torment me!" Misato said as she bucked against  
him. "Don't... stop... don't stop... GYAHHH!"_  
  
***  
  
He slammed the book shut. "What... the hell... was that?" Shinji grabbed  
for his box of Kleenex and shoved two tissues up each nostril. "Oh... oh  
my," he said, having a Kasumi moment. He opened it again to what he thought  
was the same page...  
  
***  
  
_"Gott im himmel, Shinji, that's good!"  
  
Asuka moaned as she writhed in ecstasy under him, completely out of her  
mind. "Du hast... control... du hast mein seele..."_  
  
With a scream and a twitch, she milked..._  
  
***  
  
Shinji pulled away from the illustrated story for a moment to replace  
the Kleenex, which had been completely soaked through by this point. The   
book merely shifted itself once again... and he turned back to it and  
continued reading.  
  
***  
  
_"Wark! Wark... wa..."_  
  
***  
  
Shinji slammed the book shut and threw it away from him. "What the hell  
is this thing?!?"  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, in a warehouse not too far away...  
  
Dr. Lustidick released the Lust Virus yet again, thus infecting the   
entire Evangelion universe and eliminating the prospects for SEELE's  
Third Impact scenario. However, the IBI intervened just in time, and  
therefore the world was saved - or screwed over, depending on how  
you look at it.  
  
However, this doesn't really concern us, so we move next door, where  
ten black monoliths sit and wait.  
  
"He has the book," one says.  
  
"He shall be weakened to submit to our desires."  
  
"Really, you think that that little thing can pervert him to the degree  
that we need?" Keele said from behind his monolith. "It's hardly the power  
that we require."  
  
"The book from the Angels should do as we wish!"  
  
"It merely does the bidding of the possessor," Gendo said, walking in.  
  
"Ikari," Keele said, almost spitting out the name.  
  
"I've come to report on the Instrumentality Project," Gendo muttered.  
"We're less than two percent behind schedule. The Angels have slowed  
us down, but they have not stopped us."  
  
"Your child has the book," Two said. "It will suffice."  
  
Gendo's face, normally composed, relayed a touch of shock. "The Third  
Children has _the_ book?" _This is unacceptable,_ Gendo thought. _The book  
must stay with those who don't suspect its powers._  
  
***  
  
Asuka threw Shinji's door open. "Hey, baka, time for dinner!" She   
gaped at the sight before her - walls, ceiling, and floor splotched   
with white, the bedclothes in disarray, and Shinji half-naked on the  
floor, trying to cover his... *Cough* equipment... up.  
  
"You... you... HENTAI!" Asuka said, then promptly kicked him.  
  
In the groin.  
  
As he doubled over, she muttered, "You'd better be thinking about me and  
not that damn doll."  
  
On her way out, something caught her eye... and she grabbed it.  
  
Shinji clutched at his penis reflexively, remembering the "Garden of  
EVA" series, but then he remembered the pain from her foot, and then he  
passed out.  
  
He didn't notice that the book was missing...  
  
***  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES  
  
So, Shinji finally opened the book... and he saw what was inside, and  
he obviously liked it.  
  
SHINJI: (weakly) Asuka didn't... *Thud*  
  
Yeah, well, that's not my fault. Deal with it.  
  
*Turns back to audience*  
  
I'd originally intended for each part to be a full lemon with each bit  
from the book, but a Shinji/Pen Pen lemon... _ Even I don't think  
that I could write that, and I'm damn sure I don't _want_ to write that.  
  
And no, I don't _want_ anyone to write that.  
  
Well, in the next part, Asuka's got the book, and this fic becomes  
even more... shitty... well, hell, I can't say anymore, namely because I  
haven't written any more.  
  
BUT!  
  
Why does SEELE have such an interest in this ecchi book? What could it  
really be about? And why the hell does the picture on the cover keep shifting?  
  
Find out in the next part of "The Book of Shinji!"  
  
***  
  
OMAKE  
  
Asuka threw Shinji's door open. "Hey, baka, time for dinner!" She   
gaped at the sight before her - walls, ceiling, and floor splotched   
with white, the bedclothes in disarray, and Shinji half-naked on the  
floor, trying to cover his... *Cough* equipment... up.  
  
"You... you... HENTAI!" Asuka said.  
  
She thought for a moment, and then leaned down to him. "You'd better be  
thinking about me and not that damn doll." 


End file.
